Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Dick very happy bro
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
