I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
