my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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