8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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