Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
You are a genius and a whore.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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