today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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