Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Randomize
