which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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