Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
