i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
