the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
