I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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