its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
