I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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