Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
you had me at cake vodka
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
