She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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