She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
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