I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Say something about gay babies.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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