tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
two words: eviction party
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I supernannyed him into submission
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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