The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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