This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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