Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
