I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
