"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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