We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
