I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
