Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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