Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
