i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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