my soul wont recognize me after tonight
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
