Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
