How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
There's a naked man in my car right now.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
