I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
