I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
