it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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