She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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