last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize