Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
