I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Randomize
