If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
