You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Randomize
