Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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