When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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