im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
