Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
