I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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