he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
