I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
