His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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