We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
So squirting runs in the family.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
