cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
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