She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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