the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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