So gin and wine won't be happening again
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
