how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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