Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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