So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize