If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
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