Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
