Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
